Approximately 6 million children in the United States will experience the loss of a parent or sibling before they reach the age of 18, says the National Alliance for Children’s Grief. Whether you are aware of it or not, students are dealing with grief, which can profoundly impact their lives. Educators can make a world of difference by reaching out to grieving students. However, many school professionals feel unequipped or hesitant to approach a grieving student for fear of saying the wrong thing. School-based support for grieving children is essential and recognizing and addressing childhood grief is not only important for a child’s development but also for their overall mental wellbeing.
What is Childhood Grief?
Childhood grief refers to the emotional response children go through when they experience the loss of a loved one. Since many young children may not have the ability to verbalize how they are feeling, their grief may manifest in different ways. While everyone grieves differently, you may notice a few behavioral signs or symptoms.
Behaviors
- Aggression
- Self-harm
- Withdrawing from school or friends
- Sadness or anger
- Depression or anxiety
- Drop in grades
- Decrease in class participation
Symptoms
- Headache
- Stomachache
- Changes in appetite
- Trouble staying focused
The way someone responds to grief often varies depending on one’s age. A young student in early childhood education may be more aggressive towards others or have intermittent episodes of sadness. In contrast, teenagers often deal with feelings of being overwhelmed, losing control, or engaging in reckless behaviors. While adults tend to talk about their emotions or use coping mechanisms to help them get through their grief.
Children also go through various stages of grief, just as adults do. Those stages as described in the well-known Kübler-Ross model are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. It’s important to recognize that not all children will necessarily go through these stages; some may only experience a subset of them.
How Schools Can Help Grieving Students
We all experience loss, and while most people navigate it in their own way and at their own pace, the help of a support system can make it easier for children to process their grief. Here are some strategies that can help support grieving students.
Create a Safe Space for Students to Grieve
Creating an environment where children feel safe is essential for students going through the grieving process. Identify a location in the classroom or school where students can go if they are feeling upset. Provide space for the child to be able to talk to a friend or call a family member. Also, expect that triggers may occur throughout the year on holidays or anniversaries of the day a loved one passed away. Try to help minimize these triggers by offering alternative activities or by being flexible. Allow the student to go to their safe space during these times.
Offer Flexible Academic Support
Grieving students may lack focus and concentration which can affect their academic performance. Schools can offer academic flexibility by changing the focus of an assignment, the due date of an assignment, rescheduling, or even adapting a test to meet the student’s needs. This additional support can help a grieving student maintain their grades while going through the grieving process.
Encourage Peer Support
Schools can promote empathy and peer support by helping students understand and support their grieving classmates. Oftentimes students are unaware or uninformed that a classmate is going through the grieving process and may unintentionally say or do something that makes the grieving child upset. Schools can equip students with the skills to support a grieving classmate. They can provide a safe environment for students to share their feelings and discuss helpful things to say and not to say or organize awareness activities.
Providing Counseling Services
There is no set timeframe for how long grieving will last, and it’s quite common for children to feel a range of emotions at any given time. However, if you notice that the child needs more help than you can offer then it’s time to encourage the student to seek additional support services. Talk with your school counselor, social worker, or administrator to ensure the student is getting all of the help and support they need. If a student is dealing with a prolonged grief disorder, which is grief that lasts longer than what is considered typical, then the National Council for Mental Wellbeing suggests students receive grief counseling from a mental health professional who can help the student process the feelings they are experiencing.
Grieving takes time, and as children move through the process, they will find that certain times of the year or certain things may trigger their emotions and take them right back to their grief. That’s why it’s so important for schools to recognize and understand grieving students. The support children get from their family, schools, and community, can make a difference in their overall mental health and wellbeing.
Resources for Schools and Families
Dealing with childhood grief can be challenging for both schools and families. Here, we put together a list of resources that will help support children navigating their way through the grieving process.
Websites, Organizations, and Books
- Grieving.com
- Grievingstudents.org
- Addressing Grief: Tips for Teachers and Administrators
- National Center for School Crisis and Bereavement
- National Education Association: Grief and Loss Resources for Educators and Students
- Speaking Grief: Childhood Bereavement Resources
- Actively Moving Forward
- Camp Erin
- Helping Kids Grieve: Toolkit
- American Psychological Association’s Find a Psychologist tool
- GriefShare support groups
- Hope for Bereaved’s free services and helpline
- Suicide Grief Support
- 64 Children’s Books About Death and Grief from What’s Your Grief?
